Wannabe Loner

I'm discovering that I have a lot of passion and creativity- passion and creativity that I seem to unconciously shove under the rug in order to focus on my social life. Why do I do that? My social life is going no where. I only end up getting wasted and fighting with someone. Blah...I'm really bummed on myself right now.

It may sound weird to those who know how to balance their social life but sometimes I feel that I need to become a loner for a few months to really discover what I can do. I need to seclude myself from everyone and just sit in my apartment and work on something! Figure out the crazy ways I can entertain myself and possibly discover a talent! I mean, I already have ideas on what I want to do- mainly experiment with a bass guitar and write songs.

I just feel that I'm not digging deep enough into my subconscious. I'm only scrapping the top outer layer which gives me nothing to work with and instead of continuing to scrape away, I end up giving up.

I may not be there yet, but I feel myself changing for the better. I feel myself drifting away from the desire to party every night and instead work on what really matters to me, my musical career :). It's been an interest my whole life, so maybe once I let go and open my creative gates it will just flow...flow into order.

FYI: Listening to The Radio Dept. Radio Station on Pandora.com. LOVE IT!